Oh, those devious Chinese Olympic folks. First, we learn to our dismay that a portion of the stunning fireworks display at the opening ceremony was actually digitally enhanced computer graphics rather than the real thing. And this from the country that INVENTED gunpowder and fireworks, no less!
Then, we learn that the cute-as-a-button 9-year-old girl, Lin Miaoke, who we all thought so beautifully sang “Ode To The Motherland” at that ceremony, was actually this year’s Milli Vanilli, Ashley Simpson — or, maybe more age-appropriately, Miley Cyrus. What all of those artists have in common is that they lip-synched. The real singer was 7-year-old Yang Peiyi, who has a heckuva set of pipes, but was deemed too pulchritude-challenged to be the face, as well as the voice, of a nation that wanted to, well, put its best face forward at this coming-out party.
So, in a deceitful decision harking back to that MGM classic, “Singin’ In The Rain,” where the odious matinee diva Lena Lamont, who has a voice that could shred paper off a wall, has unknown newcomer Cathy Selden, played by Debbie Reynolds, sing into a live mike behind the curtain, while the star pretends to sing into a dead mike on stage, the Chinese powers that be decided to have the best of both worlds: They had the good singer with a face for radio actually singing the song off-camera, while the cameras showed the cute kid pretending to sing.
The analogy isn’t perfect, because Ms. Reynolds was also way better looking than Jean Hagen, who played Ms. Lamont, but the principle’s the same. Perfidy. Is the Chinese government so insecure that it’s afraid to let less photogenic people with talent occupy any of the spotlight? I mean, it’s not as if we in the U.S. are above superficiality and trickery, but I can guarantee you that if the Super Bowl halftime show people thought Celine Dionne was the person with the right voice to headline the halftime show, they wouldn’t have her backstage, singing her tonsils out, while somebody a lot better looking, like Faith Hill, was the one on camera.
What next? Will we find that all the great new architecture built for the Games is actually a Potemkin Village? That Beijing’s pollution didn’t actually change for the better when they told all the factories to close down, but that they put some kind of chemical into the air that lightened its color? That IOC officials were on the take? Or that many of the 16-year-old, 70-pound girl gymnasts and divers were actually preteens? Oh, wait.
I do believe there’s a lot of insecurity, because China still isn’t quite sure of or comfortable with the fact that it is the next great superpower, with an economy set to eclipse ours before the midpoint of this century. China, after all, despite its long history, educated and resourceful populace, and huge population, was the “Sick Man of Asia” for a long time. Back in the days of the colonial powers — even within the living memory of some senior citizens — there were parks in Shanghai with signs reading “Dogs and Chinese Not Allowed.” When the colonial powers waned, there was Imperial Japan to dish out the humiliation. During the Mao years, China certainly flexed some military power (like in the Korean War), but its economy was a joke and the vast majority of its people lived in poverty.
That’s changed in a hurry, but the people’s mindset hasn’t quite caught up to the new reality. I think that’s in part why they’re so over-the-top jingoistic about these Olympics. I mean, U.S. athletes fail or get hurt and can’t compete, and there’s certainly some coverage over here, but it’s not as if it were a national tragedy, not even when Men’s Basketball came a cropper. Compare that to the national angst and tears when 110-meter hurdler Liu Xiang had to pull out with a hamstring injury. You’d have thought the Premier had just been assassinated.
I’m not unsympathetic to Liu. Sucks to be him right now, just as it sucked to be Tyson Gay, who pulled up lame in the U.S. 200-meter trials and lost his shot at a medal in that event, or the Hamm brothers, who could have made a difference in Men’s Gymnastics, or the U.S. woman Marathon record-holder, who had to drop out because of a broken bone in her foot, or myriad others whose injuries came at the most inopportune of times.
These great athletes train for years just to be able to perform for a couple of days every four years, and to lose that chance because their bodies broke down on them, rather than because someone beat them legitimately head-to-head, has to stick in the craw. I totally get that. But a national tragedy? Overwrought, much? Let’s face it, China will STILL be manufacturing everything Wal-Mart sells long after these Olympics have passed the torch.
Speaking of which, let the debate begin over which country “won” the Olympics. There’s no doubt that China will finish with more Gold Medals than the U.S., but the U.S. has more overall medals. Odds are good that the U.S. will still have more overall medals when the Closing ceremony takes place. So, which “wins,” more Golds or more medals?
Personally, I think the Golds win the day. The “total medals” argument is kind of reminiscent of the bitter Hillary supporters who claim that she really should have been the Democratic Party nominee, even though Obama won more states and caucuses, because she won more votes (if you count Florida and Michigan, and don’t count the caucus votes). Sorry, it’s Gold Medals, not Silvers or Bronzes, that get athletes on Wheaties boxes, or the Chinese equivalent. ‘Nuff said.
Now that China’s made its splash, world, how about addressing one of my ongoing pet peeves? Chinese names generally go surname first, then given name(s). Thus Yao Ming’s surname is “Yao” and his given name is “Ming.” New Laker Sun Yue’s surname is “Sun,” not “Yue.” The last name of former Clipper stiff Wang Zhizhi is “Wang,” not “Zhizhi” (a mistake that media goobers compounded by insisting on pronouncing it “juju” instead of the correct “jrjr”). Is China now finally important enough in the world that media types can be bothered understanding this principle, so I never have to look at another Houston Rockets box score and see that “Ming” got 20 points and 10 boards? Or should we, as Americans, continue to revel in our insularity and our ignorance of other peoples and cultures?
I see where the USC football program has been set back in its preseason preparations by an epidemic of “jock itch.” What happened? Did Louis, Gilbert, Poindexter, “Booger,” and the other nerds from Lamda Lamda Lamda put “liquid heat” in the jocks’ equipment? Because, after all, “No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends.” I didn’t know that “Ogre” Palowakski and Stan Gable (aka Al Bundy’s neighbor, Jefferson D’Arcy) even played for the Trojans — or that Pete Carroll was really John Goodman.
I see where Alexi Lalas and Ruud Gullitt both got s***canned by the Galaxy. I guess neither performed brilliantly as GM and coach, respectively, but as Big Boss Tim Leiwecke observed, it was either that or fire 22 players. Too bad Ruud and Alexi couldn’t suit up for the squad.
Nice to know that Mr. Leiwecke has no greater clue about how to build a successful soccer team than he does about puck. Interesting how the Kings’ long stretch of irrelevancy coincides so perfectly with the time-period of Mr. Leiwecke’s stewardship on behalf of Anschutz Entertainment. Ah, but David Beckham’s on the team, so Timmy’s done his job, right? Sure. At least the Galaxy lead MLS in tattoos.
Was I, again, the only one in town not impressed by men’s Team USA’s blowout defeat of Greece? Not that Team USA played badly. They showed a lot of energy, and stepped up their defense. And not that it’s not good to win, and win decisively. But c’mon guys. Calling it “revenge” for Greece’s upset win in the 2004 semis? Not hardly — unless the win came in a game that put the winner into the Gold Medal game.
First of all, despite all the fine qualities our lads displayed, they still shot poorly from three-point range and from the line, and if that keeps up, it likely will, not might, bite them in the behind. At the same time, the score disparity is misleading. The Greeks had plenty of open three-pointers. It’s just that this time, they missed uncontested shots they usually make. I wouldn’t exactly call letting opponents have open threes and assuming, or hoping, they’ll miss a strategy for success — especially when, once the Preliminary Round is over, it’ll be one-and-done.
And that’s really the main point. It’s only the Preliminaries, for Pete’s sake. Nobody, except the breathless U.S. media and naïve American fans, cares. It’s still exhibition season. The wins and losses in this round don’t count, except for eliminating the true “weak sisters.” Who knows if the Greeks were even trying? When Team USA beats an opponent in this tournament in a game that means something, when a loss means packing your bags and going home, when the opponent plays like it gives a rat’s patootie, clogs up the middle, and does all the things allowed by FIBA rules to neutralize the Americans’ athleticism — then I’ll be impressed. Until then, it’s like keeping score at an All-Star game. It’s meaningless.
Mind you, the team’s performance in the next game, against another nemesis, Spain, almost convinced me. The Yanks were dominant, active, played excellent D, shot like they’re supposed to, and, generally, made a Spanish team with some pretty good NBAers on board look outmatched. Then again, let’s see what happens when the opponent “uglies” up the game, slows it down, and knocks down its — once again — open spot-up three-pointers.
Don’t misunderstand. I hope and expect that Team USA will win when it has to, this time around. I’m just saying that nothing they’ve done in the Preliminary Round means anything. Just as they don’t give out trophies for having the best record in the NFL preseason, of in MLB’s “Grapefruit” or “Cactus” Leagues, they don’t give out Gold Medals for dominating in the Preliminary Round.
By the way, what IS it with the U.S. players and their inability to convert layups? I mean, Kobe’s blown almost as many dunk attempts as he’s missed three-pointers, D-Whistle and Le Bron have screwed up their share, and even the “lesser lights” seem to be having almost as much trouble from inside five feet as from beyond the arc. Maybe John Wooden was onto something when he curbed dunking by the Bruins, even before the NCAA instituted the “Alcindor Rule.”
Please send comments and criticism — especially criticism — to thonglaw@sprynet.com, where it will be dealt with appropriately.
