Gotta love that NHL. NHL players pummel each other into bloody goo, hit each other, legally, with force and malicious intent that would land them in the slammer off the ice, curse worse than sailors, construction workers, or participants in a Comedy Central roast, spit, hawk loogies, moon the fans, God knows what, and no problem. In fact, the only time the league really acts to suspend players for “conduct unbecoming” is when goons like Marty McSorley or Todd Bertuzzi hit unsuspecting opponents from behind and nearly kill them. Even then, it’s only if the incident is ugly enough to inspire local prosecutors to bring criminal assault charges. I’ve always thought that the league wouldn’t do Jack Squat even in the extreme cases if the specter of criminal liability weren’t looming.
Even though it’s allegedly tried to cut down on brawling, and ethnic slurs, the NHL isn’t really known for doing a whole lot to rein in the excesses of its players. Hockey is, after all, a man’s game, heavy on the testosterone, and the number of fans drawn to smooth skating, clever passing, dazzling stick work and brilliant shooting pales in comparison to those drawn to the prospect of violence and the smell of blood. Not quite MMA with skates, but close enough for government work.
Just for the record, I’m totally down with the campaign to decrease racial or ethnic taunting. Players can call it “gamesmanship,” but that kind of behavior has no place even in a Neanderthalic sports culture. Trash talking is fine, but some topics really are, and should be, off-limits.
On the other hand, I have no problem with fighting in hockey, as long as the players don’t use sticks or skates. I believe there’s truth in the received wisdom that it’s a safety-valve and allows the players to “police themselves.” If fighting were outlawed, I’m convinced to a moral certainty that really dangerous things like spearing and kicking skates would proliferate. Plus, most fans love it, and at this point, anything the league can do to retain or maybe even grow market share should be welcome. Unfortunately, the NHL powers that be seem determined to make the sport as bland and corporate as possible.
Which brings us to the league’s latest attempt to polish turds. The Dallas Stars’ Sean Avery, a league gadfly, all-around pain in the rear, and trash-talker and s**t-stirrer extraordinaire, was initially suspended indefinitely (since reduced to 6 games) for telling members of the media in Calgary, after a morning skate, that he found it interesting and inexplicable that so many NHL players are satisfied with his “sloppy seconds.” He was presumably referring to Elisha Cuthbert, who’s now “dating” Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf, and also “dated” the Canadiens’ Mike Komisarek after she and Avery broke up, and, to a lesser extent, SI swimsuit model Rachel Hunter, who’s now “dating” the Kings’ Jarrett Stoll.
Most people believe, as I do, that the crude, smartass remark was mainly intended to inflame Phaneuf, a member of the Stars’ opponent for that night, and put him off his game. It’s his M.O., of a piece with his earlier remark about the Flames franchise player Jarome Iginla being so boring that nobody cares about him, and suggesting that the league should do more to promote its villains. Like, I suppose, Mr. Avery, who’s such a villain that even his own teammates in Los Angeles and Dallas have hated him almost as much as have opponents. He’s an equal-opportunity crap artist that way.
Avery does things like that all the time. He loves to make opponents hate him, believing (often correctly) that it makes them less effective. An added side-benefit is that, as far as Avery’s concerned, notoriety is as good as fame, as long as they spell his name right. He’s a very good and effective player, although hardly a superstar, yet, devout narcissist that he is, he’s one of the few players in the league, if not the only one, to employ his own personal publicist.
I’m happy just on general principle that he’s been suspended. But I’m irked beyond patience that the league is punishing him for all the wrong reasons — just as it incenses me that O.J. Simpson may get a disproportionately severe prison sentence in Nevada to punish him, not for his criminal stupidity in that state, but for the fact that he was acquitted of murder in Los Angeles. That’s retribution, and all well and good, but not justice.
Not to defend Avery’s public comment. It’s a misogynistic insult of the worst kind to the aforementioned two former paramours. It’d be offensive even if the former GFs were Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton, who’ve been through more hands than a Dodger Stadium hot dog on its way to someone in the middle of a row. Avery should have apologized to those women. But not to Dion Phaneuf; not to his team; not to the league; not to the public. Stupidity, crudity and gross insensitivity aren’t felonies — yet. And don’t tell me that hockey players don’t say a lot worse things to each other — when reporters aren’t present.
I mean, really. THIS is the issue on which the NHL has decided to take a stand? There’s nothing else out there that demands Gary Bettman’s attention? I’m reminded of the climactic scene in that classic sports movie, “Slap Shot,” where the ice is full of players pounding the poop out of each other and turning the white surface red, when Michael Ontkean decides to stage his own protest of the violence by stripping down to his jock strap and sashaying around the rink with provocative gestures. Naturally, the most violent and least evolved sasquatch out there — I think it’s the human hairball, “Oglethorpe” — is utterly outraged by this repugnant breach of hockey decorum.
What is this, “Casablanca,” where Captain Reynaud is “shocked, shocked, to find that gambling has been going on” at Rick’s Café Américain? This is even worse than convicting Al Capone on tax-evasion charges because they couldn’t nail him for murder, extortion, arson, prostitution, or even spitting on the sidewalk. Or, as noted, punishing O.J. disproportionately because he got away with murder somewhere else.
What irks me even more, is that the NHL also forced Avery to accept an evaluation for that universal, useless and irrelevant but politically correct panacea for all behavioral issues, “anger management training,” which is a money-maker for charlatans in the pop-psychology business, but generally useless for those on the giving or receiving end of the “anger.” Heck, why not go for prefrontal lobotomies or electroconvulsive shock treatment? Avery’s problem isn’t a lack of “anger management”; it’s that he’s an inveterate and confirmed a-hole. I don’t know what the appropriate treatment for that is, but it surely isn’t “anger management therapy.”
Every parent has been asked at one time or another by a child why, if there is a God, He (or She) lets bad things happen to good people. There’s no real answer, other than faith. The real vexing question, I think, is why, if there’s a God, He or She lets good things happen to really, really bad people. In the sports context, I’m thinking right now of Nick Saban. If there’s a God, how come Alabama is doing so well with that guy as its coach? There’s some justice in the world, as Florida just kept ‘Bama from reaching the National Championship game, but it’s still in a top BCS bowl. Just asking. Feel free to substitute your own “bad guys making good” examples.
There was a lot written this past “Rivalry Week” about the continuing, but largely tacit, animosity between Norm Chow and Pete Carroll, his former head coach, and soon-to-be Washington head coach Steve Sarkisian, once a Chow protégé. None of them has been publicly forthcoming about the break-up, and I have no idea who was in the right. Most likely, everybody and nobody. But it’s a great story, in a Greek tragedy meets tabloid news kind of way.
It certainly seems to an outsider like me that Chow got out of Dodge when he correctly perceived that there was an effort to marginalize him, either because Carroll was irked at the individual praise Chow was getting for the Trojans’ offense, or, as Bill Plaschke suggested in Friday’s L.A. Times, because Carroll didn’t want the offense so linked with Chow that it would hurt recruiting if Chow left.
But there’s no need to rewrite history, as Plaschke did, when he wrote that Chow, seeing the handwriting on the wall, left to become offensive coordinator for the Tennessee Titans. That’s true, of course. He did go to Tennessee. In the interim, however, he interviewed for the head coaching job at Stanford, and, rumor has it, certain that he’d landed the gig, started trying to lure recruits away from USC. If true, it certainly doesn’t put Chow in the best light.
I do know that USC has done better than all right since Chow’s departure. How could it not, given the wealth and depth of primo talent it has? But at USC’s level, success is measured in championships, and one is left to wonder whether they might not have a couple more had Carroll tried to keep Chow happy.
Chow isn’t God, and as we know the Trojans lost a few games they maybe should have won when he was up in the booth designing and calling plays. Even so, there’s a reasonable argument that their signature losses could have been wins had Chow been the strategist and play-caller. I can’t prove it, but I strongly suspect that he’d have called a better play than the 4th-down stinker that either Carroll, Kiffin or Sarkisian — or all of them together — called in the 41-38 loss to Texas; and I also suspect he’d have found a way for SC to score more than 9 points against the Bruins in ought-six. That’s two National Championships right there, by my count.
(For purposes of full disclosure, Jon Castro has reminded me that the Trojans had 3 key defensive players out with injuries in the Texas game. Absolutely true. I still contend that USC would have won that game if it had Chow, instead of the three-headed, bumbling monster, calling the offensive plays.)
Yeah, I know Chow’s offense hasn’t dazzled at UCLA this season. But look at what he’s had to work with. A surfeit of chicken guano is never the ingredient for a great chicken salad, even if the chef is Wolfgang Puck or Joachim Splichal.
We’ll never know if Kevin Craft actually is as bad as he’s looked. Like Jeff Garcia in his last seasons with the ‘Niners, he’s been playing behind an O-line with more holes than Emmenthaler cheese and more leaks than the Titanic. He’s not in the running for any football honors, but I hear that the guys who run the “Jackass” TV show and movie franchise have offered him a gig, since there’s nothing anyone on that show does that’s more dangerous than standing under center for UCLA this year.
As for Chow’s comparatively disappointing stats at Tennessee, I have two words that provide an almost complete explanation: Vince Young. Tennessee ownership was understandably committed to its First-Round draft pick, and that draft pick was equally committed to ignoring Chow’s offensive schemes, and to rejecting any attempts to teach him technique. That was a daisy chain made to order for disaster to Chow.
There are many reasons for Tennessee’s perceived offensive resurgence this season, but the two biggest, I think, are the addition by subtraction that resulted when Kerry Collins, who barely played last season, replaced Young, and that the Titans have a runner — rookie Chris Johnson, who’s averaging 4.7 yards per carry and has over 1,000 yards rushing after 13 games — that they lacked last season. The biggest difference between last years and this isn’t that the passing game is better. In fact, isn’t appreciably better statistically, although Justin Gage is averaging a tad more per reception. It’s a mere 24th in the league right now, and wasn’t much worse, if at all, last year. Of course, it’s 3rd in rushing this season, and, of course, it’s Chow’s fault that he didn’t have Chris Johnson or that the offensive line last year was a sieve.
The passing game, just by the way,
Statistics don’t tell the whole story, of course, but the fact is that this year’s 12-1 Titans aren’t that much more prepossessing than last year’s edition that went “only” 10-6. They’re 17th in the league in total offense after 13 games (18th after 12 games); last season they were 21st. They average 332 yards per game this year (up from 325 per game after 12 games); last year it was 311. They have 230 First Downs this season in 12 games, which translates to 283 for 16 games. Last season, under Chow’s “horrible” offense, they had 26 more.
True, they had more trouble scoring points last season. Maybe that was because of Chow’s schemes, notwithstanding the lack of a consistent outside running threat and the problems created by Young’s incompetence. Or maybe it was because they fumbled 32 times, losing 17, while, so far, they’ve fumbled all of 14 times, losing 7. Or maybe it was because Collins, who isn’t Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, but runs the offense efficiently, and makes fewer mistakes on a bad day than Young did at his best, has thrown for 11 TDs with only 6 interceptions this year, while Vince Young was a turnover machine, throwing for the 9 TDs in 3 more games, but with 17 interceptions. Or maybe it was because their O-line sucked last season, and has played well this year. Chow’s fault or not? As “Faux” News likes to say, you decide.
I can’t really disagree with Jon Castro that the Lakers’ commitment to defense, and for that matter their ability to put any commitment into practice even if they had it, is still AWOL — especially because I take the same position. It’s not as if their performance on their 3-game road trip against 3 teams with injury problems and losing records has done anything but reinforce that impression. They are about the shakiest 17-2 team I can recall. Oops, make that 17-3 after their stinker against the Queens on Tuesday. But I can’t agree that they’d be better off with the names Jon suggested: Kenyon Martin and Ron Artest.
Martin looks tough, talks tough and acts tough, but he doesn’t necessarily PLAY all that tough — certainly not against people his own size — and in any case doesn’t consistently play the kind of defense the Lakers need under any circumstances. People accept that he plays tough defense because he says he does, because he blocks shots, and because nobody else on the Nuggets does. I have to agree with Charley Rosen that when he’s on defense, he’s often TOO intent on trying to block shots, and not as interested in using his strong body to win the battle for position under the boards.
Many people confuse blocks, steals and even rebounds with good defense. Although many players who block a lot of shots or get a lot of steals are also good defenders, that’s not necessarily always true — especially when the player is the sort who gambles on getting blocks or steals because those are stats that are measured, and not only leaves himself out of effective defensive position, but puts extra pressure on teammates who have to cover for him. K-Mart isn’t the only offender. Our own Kobe Bryant is guilty of that all too frequently.
Artest authentically IS tough. He’s still a hard-nosed, outstanding on-ball defender and a hard-working, high-energy player. Unfortunately, he’s not quite as accomplished at or effective in the team concept of defense. Worse, although his offensive game isn’t bad, it’s not nearly as evolved or well-rounded as he believes it is. He tends to pout if he perceives he isn’t getting enough plays run for him. The Lakers already have enough of those types.
I don’t think the Lakers need either player. I DO think they need a major infusion of toughness from somewhere, though. They don’t need a star, just a solid role player, like James Posey and P.J. Brown were for Boston last season. Who that player is, or if they could even get him, whoever he is, I have no idea.
As unprepossessing as the Lakers’ defense has been, though, just imagine how much worse off they’d be defensively had they not suckered Orlando into taking Brian Cook off their hands in exchange for Trevor Ariza. Ariza couldn’t shoot worth a lick last season, and he was kind of stuck behind Rashard Lewis in any case, so it’s understandable that the Magic considered him expendable. But for B. Cook and Reggie Evans?
Whatever flaws Ariza’s game had or has, no one can accuse him of lacking energy or commitment. By contrast, no one ever accused B. Cook on his best day of having either quality. The Magic are already looking to pawn Cook off on some other unsuspecting team that believes it needs a near-7-footer who hangs around the three-point arc and shoots only from the outside. Not a bad deal by the oft-maligned “Kupcake.” Oh, and by the way, Ariza’s shooting is a lot better this season.
Good to see that Kevin McHale has been required to coach the T-Wolves now that Randy Wittman and his 4-15 record have been axed. Guys responsible for so many years of consistent mismanagement and bumbling deserve some punishment, and what punishment could be more fitting than to have to coach the rabble he put together?
Indeed, it’s hard to remember any good decisions McHale’s ever made, since he’s made so very, very many bad ones. The whole Joe Smith debacle, that resulted in Minnesota’s losing its First-Round draft picks for 5 whole years, should have given us some inkling. He must have made a few good decisions, I guess, since the Wolves did make the Western Conference Finals in 2004, and were perennial one-and-out fixtures in the playoffs during fixtures in the bottom, but darned if I can remember them.
Just wondering, whom would McHale rather be coaching, and counting on to help him win games, Kevin Love, or O.J. Mayo, whom McHale drafted and then sent to Memphis in exchange for Love? I’m guessing that McHale the coach kind of wishes that McHale the team VP had a do-over on that deal.
Not that Love is a total disaster. His stats are OK, I guess: 8.9 points per game, 6.6 boards, 1.1 assists. He shoots free throws well. But he’s oil-tanker slow on defense, has limited lift, and is managing a stunningly bad 42% from the floor. His physical limitations weren’t a big drawback in college, where he unquestionably was a more effective player than Mayo; but college is college and the NBA is the NBA and rarely do the twain meet. Love’s had a couple of promising games, and is starting to see more minutes, so the jury’s still out; but thus far, he’s not having the kind of year a Lottery pick is supposed to have.
And he certainly pales by comparison with Mayo, who’s averaging just over 20 points, 4.6 boards, 2.3 dimes and 1.3 steals. Mayo’s own shooting percentage is just barely better than Love’s, but he does play a different position. A percentage in the low ‘40’s is inexcusable for a big man who wants to be taken seriously.
Mind you, statistical analysis is always iffy, and is especially dicey when it’s applied to players from losing teams. But I still kind of think McHale would prefer to be coaching Mayo.
Interesting what stat nerds will come up with. A guy named Jay Jaffe pointed out on si.com that K-Rod’s save record, in and of itself, is kind of meaningless. Not that it isn’t an impressive accomplishment to make the saves when the opportunities present themselves, but the fact that K-Rod made so many saves is due in large measure to the fact that he had so many more save opportunities than other closers. Or, as Jaffe put it, “The saves record itself simply isn’t terribly impressive. It’s a function of circumstance, namely the need for close ballgames. The Angels, with an excellent pitching staff but only a so-so offense, were ideally suited to providing Rodriguez with more save opportunities than your average team by playing close games; of their 100 wins, 71 were in games decided by three runs or less.”
That’s obviously true, now that it’s been pointed out to me, and makes me wonder about other statistical records, like homers, RBIs and the like. I think all of them have to be analyzed in context.
Not that K-Rod has to apologize for having set the record. He was still one of the top 3 relievers in the game this year by other sabermetric measures. Even had he not set or approached the saves record, he was still overcoats better than anyone the Mets, who just signed him, had. The irony, however, is that he may have been even more impressive in 2007 and 2006, when he didn’t set any records — and didn’t even come close to setting records.
Of course, sabermetrics are all well and good, but they aren’t the universal solvent. Even the greatest relievers blow important games — and I’m not even talking about Dennis Eckersley in 1988. Mariano Rivera is about as good as it’s been for the past 10-plus years, whether judged by sabermetrics or by the evidence of my own eyes. But even he’s blown some big opportunities at exactly the wrong time. Indeed, I blame him for the plague of Curt Schilling BS and bafflegab we’ve had to endure for the past few years. Had Rivera not committed that crucial error in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, the Yanks would have won the Series. Had the Yanks won, Schilling wouldn’t have been the Series MVP and, who knows?, maybe he wouldn’t have wound up being the hero for Boston. Darn you, Rivera!
So, sabermetrics, shmabermetrics. Relievers still have to play them one opportunity at a time, and there’s no nerdly stat that can predict which opportunities they’ll blow. Or that can predict how long a pitcher with K-Rod’s violent, herky-jerk motion will stay healthy and effective.
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with stat nerds. They sometimes come up with interesting insights that help me see the game in a different way. But, damn it, the game is, and should be, played by real people on fields or in arenas. It’s more than just numbers. If it’s just about numbers, my preferred numbers game of choice is the vital stats of female porn stars.
This past Presidential election, however, changed my attitude a bit. Far and away the best polling information and insight was fivethirtyeight.com, run by “reformed” baseball stat nerd Nate Silver, whose other incarnation was and is as a writer, analyst and partner at Baseball Prospectus, where — full circle here — the aforementioned Jay Jaffe writes. Nobody, but nobody, did a better predictive job, and Silver did it using techniques gained from baseball stat “nerdery.” So there’s some real-world value to all that, after all.
Please send comments and criticism — especially criticism — to thonglaw@sprynet.com, where it will be dealt with appropriately.
