As I pen this column, Brooklyn has already closed out the Cubs in three straight and advanced to the National League Championship Series. Yes, this is bad news for fans of Los Angeles baseball and a dark day for local sports, but also comes as no suprise; because I predicted this the day the Squatters received the gift of Manny Ramirez….
Imagine it’s July and you are Brooklyn GM Ned Colletti. Your team is fading into oblivion, fans are staying away and every move you’ve made has been an unmitigated disaster. Then, while going over the employment ads, the phone rings and it’s superagent Scott Boras, requesting a few minutes of your time to talk about Manny….
Here’s how the conversation might have gone:
Boras: “Hello, Ned, it’s Scott Boras.”
Colletti: “Hi, Scott.”
Boras: “So what are you doing?”
Colletti: “Just putting my stuff into boxes and looking for my next job. Andruw Jones, Esteban Loiza and Jason Schmidt just haven’t worked out.”
Boras: “Hold on, Ned, I might have something for you. The trade with the Marlins just fell through and Manny is now available. Would there be any interest on your end?”
Colletti: “Are you kidding? I’m going to get fired in less than a week! How can we make this happen?”
Boras: “Let me call Theo Epstein and get back to you.”
A few minutes later the phone rings and it’s the superagent….
Boras: “Okay, here’s the deal, Ned. The situation in Boston is so bad they want Manny out of there by any means necessary. They’re willing to take two minor league scrubs AND pay Manny’s full salary just to get rid of him.”
There is now a minute of silence as Colletti picks himself off the floor….
Boras: “Ned! Ned! Are you okay? I thought I heard something crash onto the floor and you were not responding.”
Colletti: “I’m okay, Scott. Just had a bad connection, I guess. So you say we can get Ramirez without giving up any players AND Boston will pay his full salary?”
Boras: “That’s right, Ned, do we have a deal?”
Colletti: (In full Beavis and Butthead mode) “Uh, huh, huh, huh. Yes!”
And thus an Executive of the Year was born….
In the meantime, the Angels are down 0-2 and on the verge of yet another sweep at the hands of the Red Sox….
I’m thinking about not watching Game 3 and saving myself the torture of seeing Los Angeles get eliminated while Brooklyn moves on….
Because if that happens, I’m going to walk onto the freeway and throw myself in front of cars until I successfully kill myself….
I’ve been watching baseball for over 30 years and thought I’d seen everything, but the Manny Ramirez deal tops everything….
I have never seen one player, in any sport, single handedly turn around a team, a franchise and an entire fan base. Brooklyn was a team on life support before Manny Mania, but now are on the verge of (gulp) winning the World Series….
And all because Ned Colletti happened to be sitting by his phone when Boras called….
If only I could have such luck….